I'm sick of being me repost
by Chrishalliwell11
Summary: Repost of I'm sick of being me read prologue for details. Sorry. If you're reading this I died minutes or seconds ago my name is... T to be safe. Hiatus.
1. Prologue

AN: Incase you didn't get the memo had to repost story due to posting of unedited versions of the chapters. Here's the new story reread please or the rest won't make sense. Sorry.


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: Found this quote, decided to make it a two-shot. Read / Review! Crap I posted this before editing I forgot to add major changes so here's the repost.

-/Chrishalliwell11\-

Sick of being me.

'I'm sick of making things worse.'

His family's accusatory words rang in his head as he sat staring down at the lights of the city and the cars below, oblivious to the future he was trying to save.

"I trusted you, I vouched for you!"

"That's rich with what you pulled."

"By tricking us?"

'I'm sick of being hurt.'

"I don't need you anymore." The pain of gasping for air as Wyatt tries to kill him. The pain of Bianca's betrayal and death. The pain of the darklighter poison, his life draining away, watching his family in constant peril. Alone, dying, without hope.

'I'm sick of crying myself to sleep.'

"I will get my son back and when I do, I don't wanna see you anymore." The pain of rejection and mistrust after living without them for 7 years. Seeing them again and having to keep his identity a secret after watching and feeling their lives fade away to nothing in his arms, unable to save them.

'I'm sick of hating everything and everyone.'

Hating Wyatt for turning and killing everyone. Bianca for leaving him. His Aunts for not believing him about Wyatt. Hating the world around him and the weight of it on his shoulders.

'I'm sick of faking a smile.'

Their words stung, but he pushed on and forced the smiles and reassuring them if they actually asked if he was okay. He may not be normal, but he's still only human.

'I'm sick of feeling this way.'

Feeling like the weight of the world is on his shoulders, if he failed he wouldn't be the only one paying the price. Feeling the hate and mistrust coming from those around him. "You're the only one who can save him. You're the only one who can save all this."

'I'm sick of letting people down.'

"They're raising an anti-social, neurotic, lying boy who is a disappointment to the Halliwell name, he is a mistake and never should have been born. Did he tell you that ridiculous story about Wyatt helping a Demon kill an innocent? What's he playing at?"

"Go to your room boy."

"Get out of our lives. It's your fault Piper's dead, not mine and not Wyatt's, it's all your fault. If you hadn't been born Piper would still be alive. I wish it was you dead and not her." The 14 year olds uncle yells.

'I'm sick of being me.'

He's sick of being him, of being alive, of all of it. He just wants it to end. 'Maybe I should have let Wyatt kill me. At least I have another chance to save Wyatt and end my pain along with it. All I have to do is save Wyatt before my conception then my pain will finally end.' He thinks to himself. Out loud he says, "I'm sick of being me."


	3. Chapter 2

AN: Wow you guys really liked the beginning of this. Thanks a ton. Tell me what you think of Chapter 2.

-/Chrishalliwell11\-

Previously: ' Then my pain will finally end.' He thinks to himself. Out loud he says, "I'm sick of being me."

-/Chrishalliwell11\-

Christopher Perry Halliwell orbs to P3 to begin planning the last few months of his short, tragic, painful life. He started planning for the end. He was almost ready to die. Chris orbs into P3 to find a darklighter waiting for him. The darklighter releases the arrow, Chris deflects it into the wall and says, "Wait, you can have me. Just let me write something down real quick, then you can have at me."

The darklighter lowers the end of his crossbow and waits until Chris finishes writing a letter on a piece of stationary with a triquetra on it. Chris folds his letter and along with a photo and a key he places them in an envelope. "Done."

Chris stands in front of the couch he had been using as a bed and motions towards the darklighter. The poison arrow flies and this time Chris doesn't react. The arrow pierces his heart and Chris lets out a sigh of relief, the pain was finally done, finally he could be at peace. He was sick of being him and now he was cured. Death comes the instant the arrow finds its target, Chris falls backwards onto the couch, dead. The darklighter removes the arrow and dark orbs out.

-/Chrishalliwell11\-

Phoebe walks in moments later, her heart in her throat, the possibility of her suspicions being confirmed, the possibility of meeting a family member. Phoebe looks around the backroom to see Chris fade out of existence dead, leaving only a bloodstain on the covers. Phoebe stops short, the door closes behind her, she sees an envelope where Chris had lain only seconds before. With a shaking hand Phoebe picks up the envelope and sits on the couch Chris had been sleeping on. Phoebe opens the envelope and pulls out a letter.

Phoebe, Paige, Piper and Leo,

If you are reading this I just died minutes or seconds ago. If you're reading this the responsibility of saving Wyatt and the future is yours now. I've lived with this burden since Wyatt murdered my mother when I was 14 years old on my birthday. I have some things to tell you including; Why I really came back, who I really am and who you guys are to me. I addressed this letter to Phoebe, Paige, Piper and Leo, but I really should have addressed it to my dear Aunts and my beautiful mother and Leo. I am Christopher Perry Halliwell, I came back to save Wyatt from turning evil. I also came to save you guys, my family.

Phoebe,

Never give up on love, it will find you eventually, just let it come to you. Remember when you, Mom and Prue went back to save Melinda Warren? A man there told you the first letter of your true loves name began with a C, I will tell you the apple never lies. Keep that in mind.

Paige,

You will find your place and role in the world. Just go with the flow.

Piper,

All of you need to be careful on November 22nd 2020, what would have been my 14th birthday.

Leo,

Kids need their fathers to be there for them. Be there for your whole family, not just Piper and Wyatt.

Wyatt,

Be good.

Do not mourn for me for my life was not lost in vain. The message was delivered, and I am at peace with my fate. This is what I had originally hoped to achieve, Wyatt saved and for the weight of the world off of my shoulders. Because I knew every single day, that's why I was never able to relax. What happens to Wyatt happens before the 22nd when I would've been born. It's too late for me anyway, I was already dying and it was my own fault. I was sick, I came here to make things better, I think I only made them worse.

I'm sick of making things worse.

I'm sick of being hurt.

I'm sick of crying myself to sleep.

I'm sick of hating everything and everyone.

I'm sick of faking a smile.

I'm sick of feeling this way.

I'm sick of letting people down.

I'm sick of being me.

Best of wishes, take care.

Always,

Christopher Perry Halliwell

-/Chrishalliwell11\-


	4. Chapter 3

AN: Fine, you win. This chapter is dedicated to everyone who reviwed. Special thanks to Mclaughlin and Charmedwho20.

-/Chrishalliwell11\-

Phoebe drops the letter and envelope, letting them fall to the ground. She was right, Chris was family. "What have we done?" Phoebe whispers to the empty room. Tears roll down her face, she pulls her knees up to her chest and rocks back and forth, thinking about all the horrible things the four of them(meaning the sisters and Leo) had done and said. They kicked him out and treated him like he was evil, she knew she had thought he was evil at one point, they all had. Now he was dead and it was their fault. 'Get a hold of yourself, make his sacrifice worth it.' Phoebe sucks in a breath and reaches down to retrieve the fallen envelope and letter. Phoebe places the letter aside and opens the envelope again, she tips it upside down, a picture and a keyring drops into her hand. Phoebe carefully picks up the picture, discarding the envelope on the bed and flips it so the image is facing her. 'Not what I was expecting.' The picture is of a loose piece of red paneling in the back of The Manor. 'How strange.' Phoebe picks up the keyring, a single key that you would have cut at a hardware store with a triquetra on the top. Phoebe reaches behind her and drops the keyring, picture and letter in the envelope. She folds the top of the envelope inside itself and tucks it in her purse.

-/Chrishalliwell11\-

The next morning...

Last night Phoebe had retreated to her bed claiming that beheading really took it out of you, but she found herself wide awake wondering what the coming morning would bring. Paige was at her temp job and Piper was with Wyatt and Leo at Magic School giving the daycare another chance. Everybody thinks Phoebe is at work, not on her hands around back of The Manor looking for a loose piece of paneling,which was exactly what she was doing. Finding the offending panel Phoebe peels the board away and finds a reward for her struggles, a safe with a key lock instead of a traditional dial lock.

"And we have a mini safe behind a loose house panel since when?" Phoebe mutters to herself. Phoebe pulls out the key and it clicks into the keyhole unsurprisingly, twisting the key she hears the lock click and the door swings open without further resistance.

-/Chrishalliwell11\-

AN: Short I know but this was only meant to be a 2 shot anyway so deal. I have a whole new idea for the direction of this story


	5. Chapter 4

Another envelope like one you would get from a photo developer was the first thing to catch Phoebe's eye. A replica, yet obviously homemade copy of The Book of Shadows that was much thicker than the current one above her in the attic was underneath a russack and the envelope. Phoebe removes the contents of the safe and stows them in a box under her bed. Rushing out the door Phoebe makes a mental note to, 'examine my findings later that night, but now I really have to get to work.'

-/Chrishalliwell11\-

Later that night...

Phoebe sits on her bed, the cardboard box in front of her on the bed, the envelope was in her hands. With shaking fingers Phoebe opens the envelope and carefully pulls out the stack of pictures. They were all of a little brown-haired boy with startling green eyes and a slightly older blonde teen. 'Chris and Wyatt.' Birthday parties, baseball games, picnics, days at the park all spent with Wyatt, Piper, Paige and herself. These are Chris's happiest moments. Around 14 years the happy pictures seem to end and Phoebe guesses that's when it all went wrong. Leo, she notices is absent throughout the scenes unless they were labeled 'Wyatt's birthday or Wyatt's award' and there were no photos of Leo and Chris together. Phoebe puts the pictures back into the envelope and sets it aside, reaching into the box Phoebe pulls out the russack. Opening the sack Phoebe reaches inside and pulls out a photo album. The first six photos are of three Christmas portraits and three of Chris's birthdays. The next photo is an entire family portrait, Phoebe can see Piper, Leo, Wyatt, Chris and a little brunette girl. Phoebe also can see Paige with a husband twin daughters and a son. Searching the photo Phoebe finds herself in the arms of a man surrounded by two daughters. A slim blonde woman is also by her side. Thinking of Chris's final message to her she remembered something about finding love and someone with a C. Flipping the page the next photo is of a stone park bench where a twenty something year old Chris was hugging a beautiful tan woman with flowing carmel hair. The next picture is of an engagement ring, 'He has a fiance. I guess that answers the girlfriend question.' Phoebe closes the album and reaches into the russack again, her hands brush a parchment and she pulls it out. Unrolling it carefully she finds 3 cloumns on a list of suspects, demons, warlocks and creatures she'd never heard of. A few names on the bottom catch her eye, 'Gideon, Elders, Barbas and The Order' are near the bottom and Phoebe suspects recently added. One column is 'Suspects' the second is 'further investigation required' and the last is 'Vanquish ASAP possible major threats'. Phoebe rolls the list up and reaches in once more, Phoebe feels around and scrapes bottom, reaching into the far corners Phoebe's hand snags a string pulling carefully Phoebe extracts a small cloth bag. Carefully, delicately Phoebe opens the bag and pours the contents into her palm. An engagement ring, Phoebe's favorite earrings, Paige's favorite bracelet, Piper's wedding ring, Leo's wedding band and her father's ring. A necklace on a gold chain with a rectangular box on the end drops out last and upon further examination Phoebe finds a push latch on the side. Phoebe funnels her hand and pours all but the gold necklace back into the bag. Phoebe pushes the latch and the box pops open, it's a picture locket. Pictures of herself, Piper and Prue, one of herself, Piper and Paige, another of Piper and Leo's wedding day, another of her Dad, Leo, herself, Paige and Piper holding newborn Wyatt. Lastly a tiny version of the family portrait with a photo of Leo added next to it. Phoebe closes the locket and puts it on, tucking it out of view Phoebe whispers, "I'm so sorry Chris, your sacrifice will be worth it I promise, your secret for once is safe with me." Phoebe removes all indicators of a family relationship from Chris's belongings and squirrels them away safely in the back of her closet. A double check later Phoebe grabs the remaining belongings of her fallen family member and exits her room.

-/Chrishalliwell11\-

AN: Mostly filler I'm almost done, time jump ahead


	6. Chapter 5

AN: I changed Phoebe's vision quest a lot story just turned AU.

-/Chrishalliwell11\-

"Oh Phoebe thank you, now if only you could hear me." Chris says as Phoebe walks right past him, no doubt on her way to inform the others of his demise. Chris hopes Phoebe's inability to keep a secret would not be a factor in his identity, she'd promised she'd try so hopefully she'll keep this secret. "My family doesn't need to be distracted by guilt. For Wyatt's sake please try Phoebe I have faith in you."

"She's actually pretty good at keeping a secret when the lives of the people she loves are at stake." The cool voice says from Phoebe's bed. "She kept mine for a while at least and you and Wyatt are family I wasn't at that point."

Turning to face the voice Chris says, "Yeah I suppose, and you're sure we can't leave The Manor?"

"I've never been able to, but who knows."

"What about Magic School?" Chris asks following Phoebe downstairs.

The owner of the voice rises from Phoebe's bed and follows his new companion, "Magic what now?"

"Right," Chris says over his shoulder, "Forgot they didn't't know about that when you were around so neither did you."

"I heard rumors, but I had no idea if they were true. So I really have no idea."

"I thought you might. I guess we'll have to see."

Phoebe at this point had entered the kitchen where Piper was preparing dinner, Paige was showering after her temp job and Leo was with Wyatt in the sunroom.

Phoebe places the box on the table and Piper turns, "What's that?"

"Wait until Paige gets down here. We can talk in the sunroom."

At that moment Paige swings around the corner and says, "Talk about what?"

Phoebe picks up the box and walks into the sunroom, placing the box on the table in there Phoebe waits for her sisters to join her.

"One sec buddy Daddy will be right back." Leo puts Wyatt in his playpen and comes over to Phoebe.

Chris walks into the room and assumes a comfortable position against the wall next to Phoebe. His companion sits at one of the chairs.

Phoebe takes a deep breath and says, "I called this family meeting to discuss an important matter. The location of Chris Perry."

"You called me in from cooking tuna noodle casserole to discuss Mr. Neurotic future boy."

" Mr. Neurotic future boy, really Piper." The voice chuckles, "That's a new one."

If looks could kill the look Chris sends his companion at this comment would have been the equivalent of a small bomb being dropped.

The owner of the voice holds up his hands in surrender, 'Just like Piper'

Turning his attention back to Phoebe who was saying, "Yes it's important for you to know his location." It is apparent that nothing had been missed.

"Why?" Leo asks suspicion evident in the supposedly 'neutral' Elder.

"He's gone." Phoebe says vaguely.

"As in the future?" Paige ventures.

"Good Riddance." Piper says before Phoebe can confirm or deny Paige's statement.

Pain flashes across Chris's face and his companion feels genuinely sorry for him. He knows all about being emotionally hurt by someone you love or care about. Though being emotionally hurt by someone who you love is a great deal different from emotional hurt from your dead family.

"No he hasn't gone back to the future." Phoebe corrects Paige's guess, "He's gone as in..." Phoebe struggles to control her voice, "gone as in dead, murdered. I saw his body fade from existence when he died. I walked in right as he died."

"Oh..." was all Piper could say.

"How? When? Where?" Leo is the only one brave enough to ask.

"Last night at P3 in the backroom on the couch when we were all at P3 after the horseman fiasco. I didn't see who are how, but my best guess is darklighter."

"Why were you in his room?" Paige asks.

"I saw something in my vision quest and I wanted to see if he would confirm it."

"What did you see?" Piper asks praying it had nothing to do with the ridiculous notion of Wyatt being evil.

"Please don't blow it here Phoebe." Chris pleads.

"I saw Paige as a teacher at Magic School and Wyatt around 13 years old and is Piper folding laundry and my husband just agreed to take me to the doctor's for a checkup..." Phoebe trails off still in disbelief.

"A checkup for?" Leo asks.

"A checkup on my, my..."

"Well spit it out already!" Paige says getting frustrated with the cryptic cut off answers.

Phoebe looks right where invisible and unknown Chris is standing, "It's okay to tell them about your vision just not me. Go on Phoebe the suspense is killing me and them."

"A checkup on my daughter." Phoebe finally admits.

Stunned silence. Then all at once, "Daughter?"

"Who's the father? Do you know?"

"You're going to have a girl?"

Phoebe puts up her hands, "One at a time please."

"Do you know who the father is?" Piper asks.

"Chris left me a letter." Phoebe answers.

"Careful Phoebe, please don't blow it." Chris says in agitation.

"What did it say?" Leo asks suspicion returning to his voice.

"I'm surprised you lasted as long as you did. Leo fatherhood has made you paranoid. And they call you neurotic." The voice chuckles.

"Paige did Piper and I ever tell you about the time The Elders thought it would be a good idea to send us back to 1670, the day our legacy was born?"

"The day Melinda Warren was born in Piper's arms? Yes you might have mentioned that once or twice."

"Well when I was there a man told me he could tell me the first letter of my true love's name. I blew on the peel of an apple and he dropped it into water. It formed a..."

"C." The voice and Phoebe say in unison.

" I originally thought it meant Cole, but you know where that ended. I completely forgot about it, but it explains why me and Jason didn't work out."

"And this is relevant because?" Paige asks.

"Because in his letter Chris told me I would find my happy ending and that the apple never lies. In my vision quest three male names were mentioned Henry, Coop and Cole. Henry doesn't start with a C so I'm guessing Henry is the lucky husband to be of missy Paige over here."

"I have a husband?" Paige asks incredulously.

"It seems so." Phoebe says, "It's probably a good thing I heard those names and Chris reminded me of the apple or else I probably would've gone into a speed dating craze, lost my active powers and would've probably needed a cupids help."

Chris chuckles and the owner of the voice asks confused, "What's so funny?"

Chris still chuckling says, "That's exactly what happened in the original time line, the cupid that helps is Coop."

The voice seems to mull over the situation and erupts into deep booming laughter.

"Wait both Coop and Cole start with a C, we vanquished Cole so why is he mentioned?" Paige realizes.

"Oh gee, don't tell me he comes back again?" Piper asks.

The owner of the voice perks up at this and looks quizzically at Chris, who just smiles knowingly.

"My husband, the father of my daughter is Coleridge Benjamin Turner. My daughter is half witch, half cupid." Phoebe reveals.

"What!?" The voice and the other people who were actually visible exclaim.

"Is what Phoebe saying true?" The voice asks Chris desperately.

"Yes Cole it is or should I say yes Dad." Chris answers, his emerald eyes staring directly into his father's ice blue eyes.


	7. Chapter 6

Months later (current time in show bad bad world)...

Months pass and Cole for the first time since he and Phoebe were at their best he found himself happy and enjoying himself. Chris although he was never able to relax, loosened up a bit and bonded with his Dad all the while keeping watch on his past family members, Phoebe so far hadn't told anyone who he was. Further investigation of their boundaries had proved Magic School accessible as long as a family member resided within and Piper was currently living there as she was 9 months pregnant with her second child Melinda. Only Cole and Chris were aware of her identity though, Leo and Piper had decided to keep the gender of their child a secret until birth. Phoebe never received the forced premonition that leads to the falling out of Darryl and the sisters, and still has all her active powers plus Paige never summoned her Mister Right.

Currently Chris was extremely agitated because he was stuck with his father unable to protect Wyatt or inform his family that Gideon was after him. Chris had even tried to contact dead family members to tell their living family that they knew who was after Wyatt. At this moment his family was vanquishing demons on his list and preparing for Piper to go into labor.

-/Chrishalliwell11\-

Hours later...

"Wrongs must be righted."

"No!"Chris and Cole scream as Paige and Phoebe fall to the ground dead, bullet holes riddle their bodies.

Somehow they were at the hospital, Piper was in labor and the world was too good. Phoebe and Paige had gotten pissed at the doctors devil may care attitude and he had called security, in the operating room Piper and Melinda die during childbirth, now as Phoebe's head bangs against the floor the world begins spinning and now they were in the attic. Leo was looking through the book keeping an eye on Wyatt, when Gideon purple orbs in, aims a darklighter crossbow at Leo's bent head and fires. The arrow finds and hits its mark with a sickening thunk.

"Uncle Leo!" Chris screams as his Uncle falls to the ground the arrow firmly implanted in his brain.

Gideon approaches Wyatt and orbs him out playpen and all.

-/Chrishalliwell11\-

Underworld...

The world spins again until The Underworld comes into focus. Gideon casts an anti-orbing spell on Wyatt, then lifting a blessed athame Gideon sucks the power out of Wyatt's shield. Gideon squeezes the trigger, releases the arrow and as it heads towards him Wyatt calmly raises a pudgy fist and sends the arrow directly into Gideon's chest. The fool brought his vanity mirror to the other world and good Wyatt destroys it by sending Gideon flying into it. Gideon dies and Wyatt tries to orb but finds himself unable to leave The Underworld.

With all his magical family members dead Wyatt is trapped in one of the most evil places on earth, condemned to fight off countless, endless demons, trapped orphaned without hope.

"Dad, I'm so sorry but this means the future's screwed and you're stuck here Forever. I'm so sorry." Chris sobs his voice growing faint.

"Son what's happening to you?" Cole asks panic and pain in his voice.

"My mother's dead, so I'm ceasing to exist. Goodbye I love you so much." Chris croaks his eyes close and then nothingness, 'I failed, I only made things worse. I'm still sick I guess. I wish I could go back and kill that darklighter instead of giving up, he just got to me at my saddest moment.'


	8. Chapter 7

Previously...

With all his magical family members dead Wyatt is trapped in one of the most evil places on earth, condemned to fight off countless, endless demons, trapped orphaned without hope.

"Dad, I'm so sorry but this means the future's screwed and you're stuck here Forever. I'm so sorry." Chris sobs his voice growing faint.

"Son what's happening to you?" Cole asks panic and pain in his voice.

"My mother's dead, so I'm ceasing to exist. Goodbye I love you so much." Chris croaks his eyes close and then nothingness, 'I failed, I only made things worse. I'm still sick I guess. I wish I could go back and kill that darklighter instead of giving up, he just got to me at my saddest moment.'

-/Chrishalliwell11\-

Chris blinks open his eyes, he's back, but where and when? Chris feels cold steel underneath him and a warm blanket covering his shoulders. 'Where am I? What's going on?'

The first recognizable thing Chris sees is sky, then not just any steel, red steel. 'I'm on The Golden Gate Bridge.' Chris says, he's alive. Pushing a button on his watch Chris sees that it is right before he orbs to P3 to find the darklighter waiting.

Then everything rushes back to him, "Mom! Wyatt! I've got to warn them!" Chris yells about to orb off.

A comforting hand squeezes his shoulder and Chris turns, "Mom! You're alright!"

"Oh my gosh. My son!" Phoebe drops to her knees and embraces her son.

"How and what do you know?" Chris asks confused.

"I know you are my son and I saw everything after you orbed from here, including you and your father in limbo. Question if you're half cupid half witch why do you orb?"

"It's a spell, Are you saying it was all a Vision?" Chris sniffs.

"Yes, I believe it was. But that's never going to happen now."

"I'm sorry to do this to you Mom, but..." Chris blows some dust on Phoebe, "You're very tired, you're going to go to bed now and when you wake up you will remember everything but the parts of your vision involving Cole and Coop."

Phoebe slumps in his arms and Chris orbs her home to bed. Where he lays next to her all night long.

Lord only knows what the coming morning would bring, but family drama would probably ensue.


	9. Note for those confused

For anyone who is confused with the last few chapters,

A. Chris is Cole and Phoebe's eldest child

B. Cole became a cupid because he helped Drake help Phoebe to not give up on love

C. Cole and Coop are two very separate and different people

D. In the original time line Coop helps Phoebe unblock her heart similarly to the show so she can be open to the idea of Cole and her being together and good

E. From the point Chris orbs from the bridge in the end of Chapter 1 and the beginning of Chapter 2 was all a Vision Chris and Phoebe shared

F. In rreality Chris never orbed off the bridge to P3 and a darklighter never kills him

G. Chris blew memory dust on Phoebe so only to erase anything related to Coop Or Cole, right now Chris's father is unknown to the characters except Chris of course


End file.
